Yeah, a little self-pity is okay and occasionally good. But wallowing is not.
Therefore I must stop wallowing.
Wallowing ends here.
See? No more wallowing.
I have too much going for me and too many things to do than to spend my time wallowing.
For one, I have this amazing little person that needs my time as mommy, not as wallower. And he kinda makes it a lot easier not to wallow. He makes it difficult not to brag, though...but we'll discuss that at another time.
So my job is to focus on all the great things I'm blessed with. And not the one thing I'm not. Kinda selfish of me to focus on the one thing I want but lack, instead of appreciating all the great things I have.
Such as my family.
My parents, who just celebrate 33 years of marriage, are both my heroes. My dad is this completely honorable, admirable, and selfless man that all men should strive to be like. My mom is this strong, amazing, intelligent, and awe-inspiring woman that, likewise, all women would do good to follow her example. They both live by this set of rules they've ingrained into me. To always try to be a good person, to always try to be the better person in bad situations, to always try to live a honest life, set a good example, and to add credit to our family name.
My sister, who is a professional photographer, as is my mom, is a brilliant artist. She has this eye for things and her creativity makes me absolutely jealous because I'm sometimes not the least bit creative, especially compared to her. She makes me jealous in a lot of ways, actually. She has such a heart for people. She gives and does things for others that never even cross my mind.
She has a husband and a child that I adore. Her husband is funny and easy-going, but he stands up when he needs to and he defends those that he loves and I respect that immensely. Oh, and he saves lives for a living. How great is that!
My little boy. We all know I can go on and on and on about my little boy and how wonderful he has made my life and how much better of a person he has made me. Yes, I'm still selfish and self-centered in a lot of things I do, but it's not all about me anymore. I am no longer the center of my universe.
I love how, even on bad days, everything just melts away when he hugs me and tells me "Mama, you're my best fwiend". I adore the way he tries to be such a man for me. He tells me he'll protect me from storms and spiders and scary things. He's always trying to fix things and make me happy and make me proud. He'll take my face into both of his hands and kiss me and tell me he loves me. And even when he's being a ring-tail-tooter, he's still my perfectly wonderful little boy that I can't imagine life without. I know I am blessed to have him. I know I am blessed to know him. He is my gift from God. Where others might look only at the surface of things and see an unwed mother and her child and think of what a burden it must be to have to care for a child all by yourself, they don't see that he is nothing short of a blessing. He brings me such joy and happiness and adventure and excitement!!
I love seeing the little person that he's growing into and I feel like I can't honestly take credit for who he is. Everyone tells me I'm doing such a wonderful job and that he's such a sweet and caring and happy little person and I just don't feel like I can take credit because he's such a better person than I am. He thinks of others, not of himself. He is so imaginative and creative and smart. Well, maybe he did get that from me. My knowledge and education is one thing that I'll always be proud of.
Continuing on before your eyes glaze over from Mommy-Pride.
One thing that should have bee first and foremost, God. I have an amazing, powerful, loving, wonderful, forgiving, and giving God. My faith in God goes all the way to the core. My family raised me in a Christian home and showed me how God was present in every little thing and, as an adult, I have no doubt whatsoever. I know God is there, I can see Him in so many parts of my life. I have seen how He has taken difficulties, how He has taken hard times and has turned them into something good and something positive. I have seen Him work through and in my life, as well as the lives of others.
I am thankful that not only is there a God, but that my God is such a loving and wonderful God. I am thankful that my God cares as much about me as He does the rest of His creation. And I am thankful that God allows me to be tested and that He allows bad things to happen to me because I know that in the end, every bad will work towards a great and wonderfully good purpose. And even if it doesn't serve to benefit me, it serves to benefit Him, as well as others.
I have a house. I have a pretty nice house, if you ask me. Sure, it took a little money to get it that way, but it's nice and it's well maintained and it's mine and it's Ty's and it's our home.
I have a vehicle that I love to drive and that is reliable and dependable and paid for.
I have a job. And while it may not pay as much as I should be making, it pays all my bills and it provides insurance for me and Ty that I could not get by without.
While I don't have very many friends my age in real-life, I have so many family friends that support and love me and are always there for me.
I have an online network of friends that are amazing. They have been through heartbreak with me and they have made it to the other side. My tears are their tears. My joys are their joys. And likewise, when they cry, I cry. When they celebrate, I celebrate right along with them. To some it seems hard to believe that you can have people you've never met that you are just as close to and just as connected with as people in your physical, everyday life. I am thankful for them and I am proud to call them my friends.
I could count my blessings all day long and I'd have to trade one abacus for a larger one and another and yet another because I am so very blessed and have so many things to be thankful for.
So that is my job now. I will not wallow in what I don't have, I will be thankful and appreciate all the things I do have.
Because I have been given so much.
And I have so much I need to give back.