I have always loved writing.
I love blogging, too.
For five years I've written in a private diary on an internet site that has become a home for my heart in so many ways. About three years ago I started writing regularly on my MySpace blog, and then last year I started one blog on Blogger that simply mimicked the MySpace blog. Earlier this year I basically abandoned both of those blogs and moved to this one, my public blog, and my still-private diary.
For several months I've kept this blog under the radar in my personal life just because I didn't know what kind of an outlet I would use it for. Sometimes I can get more personal and expressive in my diary site simply because I don't have to worry about people I know taking something and running with it. Small towns generate big talk and that's always a concern for me as I've seen in the past how little things that really don't amount to much can be taken and stretched and skewed into something that they never were to begin with.
So I was wary.
In the months since I've started this blog I have come to reach a comfortable spot where I decided I'd be fine with people I know reading this. I can only think of a few blogs I would have been more reserved on, but there's nothing bad about them. I'm just not usually as open with my feelings and thoughts in a public posting.
But sometimes that openness is a good thing. Sometimes it's suffocating to live under the covers for fear of people knowing what you truly think or feel.
So I've let down my guard and I've allowed a few people I know to know about this blog and the address of it. People I trust. People who love me.
But I'm still trying to find a balance between what I want to post and what I feel comfortable posting.
I've made few vague mentions of The Guy Who Shall Not Be Named (yet, at least) and while we're in that gray zone between mutual feelings of admiration and an actual relationship I don't really know what to write or how to write it. I have a good idea where all of this is heading, but it's all still up in the air, too.
And even still, if or when things develop into something more serious....how will he feel about his or our business being on the world wide web? Different people have different feelings on this.
But my writing and my blog have reached the point where it's part of who I am. I don't know if I could differentiate within myself between my online persona and my real-life persona. Why should I have to? Not that it's been expressed in any way that I should. I'd just rather be too cautious of the feelings of others than not cautious enough.
For those of you who have experienced this or already dealt with it, I'm definitely open to hearing about what you did to resolve the conflict of feelings it created in you.
But, in the meantime, bear with me, please, while I test the new ground I feel like I'm stepping out on. While I trust it to hold my weight....it's still new and a little scary and exciting at the same time, too.
Ashley is a thirty-something wife and mother of two boys. She enjoys spending time with her family, as well as reading and decorating their home. Her blogging adventures began in 2006 as a single mother and have carried on through marriage and a new life with a husband, a ten-year-old, and an infant.