It's a fault to many of you, I'm sure, but that's okay. I love me and you love me inspite of it.
But the good thing that comes from being a country girl?
My fabulous taste in country music!
(Hey! I saw you rolling your eyes, missy!)
But seriously, not all country music is as bad as it's far-and-wide proclaimed to be.
One of my favorite country artists is Brad Paisley, who stays truer to country roots and styles than most other artists in the genre.
And today I have one of his songs stuck in my head.
Not for any real reason other than I've come to suspect that the universe might be trying to tell me something.
Cause the words going through my head are,
"You overthink things, you say what if we're not meant to be...well you know what? So what! Make a mistake with me!I think this is all stemming from a conversation I had last night with my inmate friend. I have no life, so I went to work at 9:30 pm to get a file off my computer and then hung around upstairs painting and just letting my mind mellow out.
Nobody goes through this life and does everything perfectly. We're all gonna fail, so you might as well make a mistake with me!
Sometimes, baby, when we take a chance that has this much at stake, we look back and in hindsight what seems wrong looks more like right.
So I say worst case we'll be left with lots of good memories! This chance we have, well it's worth that, make a mistake with me!
I'm telling you, the right thing to do is make a mistake--make a mistake--make a mistake with me!"
One of the guys at the facility (we'll call him T), who has actually become a good friend and confidant over the past six years, saw me and came and sat with me for the two hours I was there. All the while my phone is going off with text messages.
He then started to pick at me because apparently I'd get this certain, silly look that indicated clearly to him who I was texting.
And the girl-talk ensued. I told him he missed his calling as a gay-guy because he definitely had the girl-talk, guy interest interrogation down pat.
And he's completely all for this guy. Which is the first and only guy in my friendship with T that he hasn't immediately stuffed into a category of loser or jerk or simply not-for-me. So he's really telling me that I need to open up and give this guy a chance.
Which I plan to.
I'd forever kick myself and regret it if I let my past experiences with bad guys keep me from checking out the potential with this really good guy.
And so far I'm proud that I've not built any walls around myself with this guy. But I still keep getting these urges to guard myself, to watch my words, to smile a little less, to resist getting excited and giddy like every girl should get when there's a new guy in the picture that makes her smile and treats her like she's important and special and valuable.
And T called me on it. Because he'd only been seeing glimpses of smiles and excitement when he said I should be allowing myself to get all-out girly if I wanted.
But, while the walls aren't there right now, the foundations where they were are still intact. And I think ready to spring up at any moment. And I don't know how to override that.
Because in the last five years only one guy I was really serious about wanted to stick around. And eventually he turned and walked away, too. Sure, he regretted it. But it doesn't change the hurt I felt when he walked away.
So I'm used to thinking "He could be someone I could eventually give my heart to" only to have a guy turn around and say "Don't bother, I wouldn't want it."
But I can't let my past predict my future because life is full of all the best kinds of surprises. And because there's no sense in holding out for a fairy-tale prince if I never give any guys to be exactly that.
So I'm in the mindset of that song. Or trying to be, at least.
Because, worst case, there's a lesson to always be learned and memories to be made and cherished.
In the meantime, there's a little boy who wants to write his Christmas List of Thomas the Train Engines he still needs for Santa. Guess we're getting an early start on things this year!