Singleitis


I read an AMAZING post on yahoo today that was talking about all those overused cliches that so many singles get fed because they're single and just had to share it on Facebook because I know that I'm not the only woman who's heard every single one of them on there at least two-million-three-hundred-ninety-six-thousand-four-hundred-and-thirty-seven times.

I guarantee there are men out there who can't even check five off of the list because there's nothing wrong with being a single man.

It's just the women that are infected.  Because being a single woman is the equivalent of being a carrier of a societal plague.

She-who-has-been-in-my-shoes knows I'm not overreacting.

She-who-has-been-in-my-shoes just nodded her head vigorously and possibly shouted out an "Amen" that made her coworkers glance curiously towards her.

I am ninety-nine-and-three-fourths certain that I have heard every single Single Cliche in the book.

A few of those listed on the referenced blog include:

  • It happens when you're not looking/It will happen when you least expect it.
  • You're too picky.
  • He's out there.
  • Have you tried online dating?
  • When the time is right you'll meet someone.
(And many more, you really should read it, you'll get a laugh out of it)

One of my favorites was "You're too picky".

Especially when it's preceded by "Never settle!"  I can't count the number of times with different people when we transitioned from a conversation about how I shouldn't settle and that I deserve so much and how there just aren't any good men left and then next thing you know you're being told that you're too picky.

Wait, didn't you just say I deserved a truly good man and now you're telling me to give in and settle for Mr. Good-Enough?

As if it wasn't hard enough being single, single women are picked apart, examined, and then criticized by those who think it's a flaw not to be in a relationship.

Don't get me wrong, I know that's not the case with everyone.  Take family for instance, they're typically not looking at it from the end of "there's something wrong with you" (except for the moms on the movies, they always seem to think there's something wrong with their daughters if they're single), families are typically looking at it from the "I want you to be happy and loved and have someone to share your life with" aspect.

And that's cool.

Especially when it's expressed that way.

This is mainly for those strangers that barely even know people and ask "Why are you single?" (as if that's really a question we can answer!) or try to make women feel better about being single by telling us meaningless, stupid things that their spouse does that us single folks would be grateful for the chance to get annoyed by.

Maybe that's why Jason and I still haven't had our first fight (knocking on wood since we'll be spending 15 or more hours in the car together this weekend!).  I've heard so many people fussing because the person they were with did or didn't do something that was just trivial and maybe it's given me a perspective on what's important and what's not important.

That's a rabbit to chase another time though.

Another one of my favorite lines (that I hit upon on Facebook as well) was the online dating thing.

Let me state that I feel online dating is fine for those who want to put their personal profile out on the internet for anyone to see....I'm not one of those people.

Nor were many of the people who actually suggested it to me.

Which baffled me.

Why would people suggest you try something they would never try themselves?

I mean it never bothered me for the people who had success with it or those who would try it to suggest it, but it drove me nuts when someone suggested that I do it when they obviously felt it was taboo.  What does that say they think of me?  

And I'll admit that there are so many people out there who honestly do care and for the right reasons.  They want to give advice or encouragement to those who still haven't found what all the world thinks every person should be looking for.

My advice?

Stick to the encouragement.  Advice is seldom taken as it's intended, anyway, which defeats the purpose of the previous statement, but I'm making it regardless.

For all the "You're still single?" conversations I had between 2006 and 2009, I know that the advice is seldom taken (and even less often worth taking).  Stick to encouraging each other.  Most of the time being single doesn't bother a woman as much as everyone thinks it does, the constant reminders and questions is really the biggest part that ever bothered me.
Ashley Wife & Mom

Ashley is a thirty-something wife and mother of two boys. She enjoys spending time with her family, as well as reading and decorating their home. Her blogging adventures began in 2006 as a single mother and have carried on through marriage and a new life with a husband, a ten-year-old, and an infant.