When I turned my favorite station back on there were so many new songs that I hadn't heard before we'd gotten married. My two favorite right now are "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North and "Only Grace" by Matthew West.
And how cleansing that they came out when they did.
Because both songs are about God's forgiveness and our ability to step past our old selves--through Christ--and into a new life free from our old sins.
Because I've felt, for years, that though I've been personally forgiven by God, my sins had still not been forgiven by so many--including myself.
My pregnancy and early years as a single mother were both laced with so much gossip and judgment from others that it was hard not to feel like it would be a permanent part of my life.
There was a lot of talk around my town--initially--about my pregnancy because I never publicly disclosed who my son's father was. For the people who knew me and loved me, they really didn't care. It didn't change their feelings for me.
People who didn't know me and really didn't care about me, though, were quite the opposite. I had people stop me in public places and work themselves around to that one particular question. And when they didn't get the information they wanted, some of them got very self-righteous about it. A few of them even insisting it was their right to know, as if I were public property.
So it's been hard to completely separate myself from those feelings that I repeatedly felt for so long. It's been difficult to feel completely and 100% accepted. And it's sometimes been a struggle to remind myself that my sins are between me and my God. Unless I've sinned against a person in particular, I don't feel like I should have to worry about when they'll forgive me for a sin that really was none of their business in the first place.
So when these songs started getting played on the air, it was cleansing.
From the chorus of "You are More";
To Matthew West's "Only Grace", which really reached inside of me in a very personal way;