A High Stress Situation
Eight weeks apart.
But still twins.
That's what I dreamed about last night in one of my all-too-vivid and insanely stressful dreams.
It started simply enough, I was going to the Dr. for a routine postpartum checkup. As I was standing at the desk to check-in they started to escort me to the hospital. When I asked what was going on they responded that they needed to get me prepped for my cesarean.
Obviously I was confused. I'd had my cesarean eight weeks earlier. This was a follow-up. There was some mistake.
The nurse acted like I clearly had pregnancy-brain and 'reminded' (aka educated) me that I had been pregnant with fraternal twins. The little boy was delivered eight weeks earlier but they couldn't deliver the little girl at that time. This cesarean was to deliver the little girl.
"It's a girl?" I asked repeatedly.
I have clothes for a boy. I have experience with boys. I could mentally prepare myself for a boy. But a girl? I couldn't get it to sink in.
"It's a girl?" How could I have still been pregnant and not known it?
After the quickest, most routine (apparently outpatient) cesarean ever I had a daughter in my arms that I was completely unprepared for. Even more, I had to tell everyone that I now had not just a new son, but a new daughter as well. The nurses began my discharge paperwork, including a birth certificate completed with the name Ana Clayre, which is a lovely name, but even in my haze it didn't seem quite right. Should we spell Ana with one N or two...I went to text Jason to let him know he's a Daddy again and to see how he wanted to spell the name when it dawned on me that he would not be game for Ana or Anna at all, we agreed to Amelia and so Amelia it must be.
I let the nurses know that we have to change her name, it can't be Ana, it has to be Amelia. We erase the name but every time we write the new name down we keep writing Ana instead of Amelia. Finally we get it right and Amelia and I are released from the hospital. I walk out knowing that I have to start calling people, beginning with Jason, and letting them know about my little surprise.
And I knew no one would believe me.
I started snapping pictures of her so that I could send them as evidence but they all looked like Beckett. I knew that no one would believe that the pictures weren't just more pictures of him so I knew that I would have to wait until I was at home and had both of the babies together.
But before I could go home, I had to do what is obviously most important when you've just had a baby that you were completely not expecting.
I had to go shopping. I had baby clothes at home but not a single one of them had even a stitch of pink on them and in my dream it was Saturday so Amelia had to have a pretty pink dress to wear to church the next day.
I don't remember much of my dream beyond that. I think it was around that time that Jason & Beckett came back to bed after Beckett's bottle. However, some things still live on. As all of this was happening in my dream I had been calculating and trying to figure out how we were going to make this work. How could we afford daycare for two babies? Much less formula and diapers and wipes and clothes and everything else that goes along with it!
I feel much better today about the amount of money we've spent on formula in the past eight weeks (a number I was overly focused on yesterday)....it could SO have been worse!
Ashley is a thirty-something wife and mother of two boys. She enjoys spending time with her family, as well as reading and decorating their home. Her blogging adventures began in 2006 as a single mother and have carried on through marriage and a new life with a husband, a ten-year-old, and an infant.