That's Who I Am

Over the years my MySpace Blog has seen many posts as I've discovered who I am, who I'm not, and why I am where I am in my life.

And yet it seems I never quite learn enough.

For example, I confused the heck out of myself yesterday by sending a text message to someone that I'm told I'd be better off to forget.But I've come quite a way. The last time I was a single woman for any period of time the word "mom" was attached to my own mom, not to me. The last time I was a single woman for any period of time I was twenty-two years old and had no clue what was in store for me. (If you've read this long-but-worth-it blog, you understand)

Then I was looking for fun and handsome and smart and committed and tall and.....wait......I'm still looking for those things.

But I'm also looking for a guy with kindness that starts in his heart and pours out through his eyes and his smile and his words and his actions. I'm looking for a guy who's okay taking second place. I'm looking for a guy who loves me. Completely loves me, but adores my child even more, because I expect that if he has to take second place to my son, maybe it would be a good thing if I, also, have to take second place to my son, too.

I'm looking for a guy who respects me as a woman and who will see my jagged, broken edges as beautiful because of the light that they reflect.

I'm looking for a man who is past games and who is willing to tell me how I feel, even if he thinks it's lame or opening himself up too much.

I've learned a lot about me and about what I want....and yet I just realized that I have no clue what I'm doing or who I'm looking for. How depressing is that.

I seem to have digressed to the point of losing my focus altogether.

Hmmm.......what now.

I guess the relevant thing here is to point out that for all these bad guys and all these jerks and all these Not-My-Mr.-Right-Guys that I've 'dated' or talked to or been involved with or me it seems like a lot. To me it seems like that's all there is.

But the person I texted....he was kind of my reminder that all the good guys aren't really gone. There are some guys out there that will, overall, treat me like the amazing woman that I am.

And so I keep holding out. Because I just can't stomach the thought of settling.


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About The Author
Ashley Wife & Mom

Ashley is a thirty-something wife and mother of two boys. She enjoys spending time with her family, as well as reading and decorating their home. Her blogging adventures began in 2006 as a single mother and have carried on through marriage and a new life with a husband, a teenager, and a pre-schooler.