I Believe

It was a heck of a weekend. It had the potential to be a devastating and disastrous weekend, and it had the potential to be a weekend of wonderful things.

And good triumphed.

Faith prevailed.

Let's start with Saturday.

Ty and I embarked on an adventure Saturday morning. And on the drive there I found myself replaying Brandon Heath's I'm Not Who I Was.

I've loved that song ever since I first heard it because it just hit to the core of me. It's a Christian Song written as a conversation of one person talking to someone from their past who hurt them. Admitting that they've forgiven them and moved past whatever had happened between them.

There were two parts to this song that really struck me that had never stood out before.

"I was thinking maybe I should let you know, I am not the same, but I never did forget your name."

The simple admission, the openly stated fact that I am not who I was once known as was profound and powerful to me. We always try to judge people as if they can never grow or change from the person they once were.

For some people this is a good thing, because on some occasions the person they were is better than they person they are. But most commonly, this is not. Most commonly we grow and we learn and we better ourselves. The person we were isn't us anymore. That was another life. Another lifetime.

Another part of the song that struck me was this powerful statement tied to my faith.

"The thing I find most amazing in Amazing Grace, is the chance to give it out. Maybe that's what Love is all about."

I've sung this phrase time and time again and Saturday I actually paid attention to the words and they filled my eyes with tears. They brought to mind a favorite C.S. Lewis quote.

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."

Little did I know....God's timing always amazes me. How he can place things on my heart, how he can remind me of my own mistakes and failures in a way that I will soon need to remember.

I'm not going where you think I'm going with this. There is nothing to forgive. There is nothing to forget. This was just one of those things that I needed in my heart right now.

Let's move on to our adventure, shall we?

Maybe some pictures?

Yes, pictures.

I like to look at pictures.


My boy loved him some golf!

And the volcano. He was quite taken with the volcano. Especially when it would shoot fire out of the top.

On the last hole he didn't know what to think when his ball disappeared and didn't come out another hole somewhere! He was so cute searching around to find where it went!

Riding a motorcycle in the arcade.

He gets by with a little help from his friends. :)

And he loved playing air hockey. Or whatever it's called.

And bopping the alligators on the head.

And this is just a picture of a little lizard that I took to show Ty. It was too high up for him to be able to see it without scaring the little feller off.

So there's part of our adventure.

We played mini-golf and rode go-carts. Had I not been driving the go-cart I would have had the cutest pictures of him and his smile and his laughter as we zigged and zagged and zoomed around the track. I just knew the go-carts would have been his favorite. But the volcano and tunnel on the golf course stole the show.

And then we went up a mountain.

This adventure up the mountain was far less tiring, hot, and blood-letting than the last one.

Thank goodness!

After the golf and the go-carts and the mountain it was nap-time for a certain little boy who had worn himself completely out.

After nap-time was supper, after supper was Harry Potter, at least for a little bit until Shrek came up. And then it was time to go home.

And Ty told me about 40 times on the way home, "Mama, we had a good day today, didn't we."

Yes, Baby. We did.

Sunday was a new day, and true to the statement that life can't be all sunshine, the storms blew in on Sunday. Literally and figuratively.

But the good thing about storms...they pass.

Sure, some can be destructive and deadly and for a little bit I feared this one might be, too.

But it wasn't.

It was eye-opening. It revealed things to me that I'm glad to know.

For one, I can trust again.

This is a tremendous statement that brings tears to my eyes. Those of you who know the enormity of my making such a statement might have a similar problem.

I can trust.

For a few months now I keep hearing this voice in my head. This strong, simple voice repeating the same two words over and over again.

"Have faith"

Every time I hear those words resound through my soul I have said a quick prayer and stepped out on faith.

I heard those words again this weekend. When I felt a ache deep inside of me. When what I was told conflicted with everything my gut and my brain were telling me.

When I was put in a position that brought me to my knees only a few short years ago.

"Have faith"And I collected my thoughts, took a deep breath and stepped out on faith. I braced for the worst and instead discovered quite possibly the best.

I can trust again.

I trust.

Finally, the wound has healed and only the faintest of scars is left in its place.

And the scar is more beautiful than I'd have ever believed

Sometimes it takes being broken to really appreciate how great it feels to be whole again.


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About The Author
Ashley Wife & Mom

Ashley is a thirty-something wife and mother of two boys. She enjoys spending time with her family, as well as reading and decorating their home. Her blogging adventures began in 2006 as a single mother and have carried on through marriage and a new life with a husband, a teenager, and a pre-schooler.