Singleitis


I read an AMAZING post on yahoo today that was talking about all those overused cliches that so many singles get fed because they're single and just had to share it on Facebook because I know that I'm not the only woman who's heard every single one of them on there at least two-million-three-hundred-ninety-six-thousand-four-hundred-and-thirty-seven times.

I guarantee there are men out there who can't even check five off of the list because there's nothing wrong with being a single man.

It's just the women that are infected.  Because being a single woman is the equivalent of being a carrier of a societal plague.

She-who-has-been-in-my-shoes knows I'm not overreacting.

She-who-has-been-in-my-shoes just nodded her head vigorously and possibly shouted out an "Amen" that made her coworkers glance curiously towards her.

I am ninety-nine-and-three-fourths certain that I have heard every single Single Cliche in the book.

A few of those listed on the referenced blog include:


  • It happens when you're not looking/It will happen when you least expect it.
  • You're too picky.
  • He's out there.
  • Have you tried online dating?
  • When the time is right you'll meet someone.
(And many more, you really should read it, you'll get a laugh out of it)

One of my favorites was "You're too picky".

Especially when it's preceded by "Never settle!"  I can't count the number of times with different people when we transitioned from a conversation about how I shouldn't settle and that I deserve so much and how there just aren't any good men left and then next thing you know you're being told that you're too picky.

Wait, didn't you just say I deserved a truly good man and now you're telling me to give in and settle for Mr. Good-Enough?

As if it wasn't hard enough being single, single women are picked apart, examined, and then criticized by those who think it's a flaw not to be in a relationship.

Don't get me wrong, I know that's not the case with everyone.  Take family for instance, they're typically not looking at it from the end of "there's something wrong with you" (except for the moms on the movies, they always seem to think there's something wrong with their daughters if they're single), families are typically looking at it from the "I want you to be happy and loved and have someone to share your life with" aspect.

And that's cool.

Especially when it's expressed that way.

This is mainly for those strangers that barely even know people and ask "Why are you single?" (as if that's really a question we can answer!) or try to make women feel better about being single by telling us meaningless, stupid things that their spouse does that us single folks would be grateful for the chance to get annoyed by.

Maybe that's why Jason and I still haven't had our first fight (knocking on wood since we'll be spending 15 or more hours in the car together this weekend!).  I've heard so many people fussing because the person they were with did or didn't do something that was just trivial and maybe it's given me a perspective on what's important and what's not important.

That's a rabbit to chase another time though.

Another one of my favorite lines (that I hit upon on Facebook as well) was the online dating thing.

Let me state that I feel online dating is fine for those who want to put their personal profile out on the internet for anyone to see....I'm not one of those people.

Nor were many of the people who actually suggested it to me.

Which baffled me.

Why would people suggest you try something they would never try themselves?

I mean it never bothered me for the people who had success with it or those who would try it to suggest it, but it drove me nuts when someone suggested that I do it when they obviously felt it was taboo.  What does that say they think of me?  

And I'll admit that there are so many people out there who honestly do care and for the right reasons.  They want to give advice or encouragement to those who still haven't found what all the world thinks every person should be looking for.

My advice?

Stick to the encouragement.  Advice is seldom taken as it's intended, anyway, which defeats the purpose of the previous statement, but I'm making it regardless.

For all the "You're still single?" conversations I had between 2006 and 2009, I know that the advice is seldom taken (and even less often worth taking). Stick to encouraging each other. Most of the time being single doesn't bother a woman as much as everyone thinks it does, the constant reminders and questions is really the biggest part that ever bothered me.

Good News and Bad News


The good news is that we're okay.

The bad news is that my car got towed after a young driver ran a stop sign and hit me, bending my driver-side front tire.

But we're okay.

And I'm thankful.

Because I just knew he was going to hit me in the driver's side door.


But he didn't.

Of all the places he could have hit my car, my dad and Jason's dad agreed that where he hit me was the best place.  Because if he'd hit me in my door it would have really banged up one or both doors (and likely set off airbags, too) and if he'd hit me further back behind the back door it could/would have spun us and possibly rolled the vehicle.

So I'm thankful for that, too.

And I'm thankful that Jason and I are both totally okay.

And I'm thankful that the other driver is okay.

And I'm thankful for every last person who stopped in the road to make sure we were okay.

And I'm thankful that Ty wasn't in the car, because his car seat ended up between Jason and I (though he would have been buckled in, but seeing what kind of a jolt he would have taken really bothered me).

And I'm thankful  for the officers that came to work the wreck, both of which I've worked with, and both of which I know to be good men.

I'm also thankful that the boy was insured, and by the same company I have insurance through.

I'm especially thankful for my family and Jason's family, who came out to check on us and make sure we were okay and get us home.

Of all the things I'm thankful for, I'm thankful that, even though I'm without a car (when I have a wedding in Oklahoma to drive to next weekend), and even though I'm sore where my seat belt grabbed me, and even though this wouldn't have been anywhere in the top 100 plans I could have or would have made for my Saturday night, I'm thankful that I know everything is and will be okay. Because that's how my God works.  So I don't have to worry about it.  

That problem was solved before I ever even knew it existed.

For posterity's sake


I posted a Facebook status the other day on an incident that occurred in my house on Tuesday night and I decided that I needed to document it here, for posterity's sake.

And in case I ever get my blog printed as a book, then I'd have it forever and ever and ever to remind my child of all the little boy things he did as a kid.

The Facebook status read,
"The difference between girls and boys: When a girl runs out of toilet paper and sees it's not enough for the remainder of the job, she would wiggle over to the closet and get one of the 9 rolls out of the closet and use it. A boy, however, would get the bath towel of the rack and try to use it, but after one wipe would see that it's too bulky and would pull his sock off and use it instead. Awesome."
The incident happened as I was trying to get Ty in the bathtub and he had to pause to answer a more urgent call of nature.

Which happened to take 10 minutes.

Which baffles me because I'm a 2 minutes max kind of gal, but that's another conversation for another time.

So he's taking for-ev-er to get his business done so I go ahead and shut the water in the tub off and tell him I'll be out watering the flowers.

I come back in to an [sarcasm] amazing [/sarcasm] aroma and find Ty sitting in the floor in nothing but a sock (which he's tugging on).

He gets the deer-in-the-headlights look and I ask him what he did and he simply says "We ran out of toilet paper".

Last time we ran out of toilet paper it was because there was a half a roll in the toilet (which mean Mama made him dig out himself), fortunately this was not the case this time.

There was, however, little boy #2 smeared all over the toilet seat, which distracted me from the rest of the mess until he was in the tub.

After I got the seat cleaned off I then discovered a towel on the floor that was on the rack.

And on the towel was a brown streak.

And on the towel next to the brown streak there was a sock.

And on the sock there were multiple brown streaks.

Awesomeness, right?

Not as awesome as when he's a teenager and I repost this blog for his 16th birthday. :)

Giving It All Away


Guess what I have?

I have an offer from Uprinting.com to give away 500 business cards to one of my readers.

And I'm pretty excited about it because they're not just business cards.  These cards are fully customizable.

Start with the sizes...when you think business cards, you think the traditional 2"x3.5" business cards, right?


Except, Uprinting.com is offering 2"x2" and a slim 1.75"x3.5" card (not shown below, but you can see it on uprinting.com) as well as the standard size.
They are also offering several different paper stocks.  If you win, you can get your cards in a 14 pt. gloss cardstock, 14 pt. matte cardstock or 13 pt recycled uncoated cardstock.

 Again, I have the gloss cardstock and love them!

The cards are available in full color on both sides and will be guaranteed 3 business day printing, offset press, and will be shipped free by UPS.

 Eligibility: Limited to US Residents only. Must be 18 years old and up.

All you have to do to enter to win the giveaway is leave a comment with your name and email address describing the cards you would order and what you would use them for.

For an extra entry, go check out Uprinting.com and leave me an additional comment telling me which of their products you would be most likely to use or order.

The winner of the giveaway will be selected by a random number generator and announced on Monday, April 26th.



Forgive me for not posting the winner announcement yesterday (Monday) as planned.  I got distracted with the need for a rental car and a stiff drink.

Neither of which I got, so that probably explains the scatterbrains I had going on yesterday.

Today's winner's announcement is pretty easy and I'm happy to announce that it is {Jess} who will be getting the 500 free business cards, and because I love her and happen to think she's one of the best friends, evah, she might even get them designed for her if she wants, too!

So!  Jess, I'll be getting your contact information to Uprinting.com and they'll contact you by the end of the month with details on how to claim your free prize!!

Dear Me


Dear Waist,

You're relatively small, but not flat and toned.  The magazines and television tell me you're imperfect.


Dear Butt,

First you were imperfect because it took you 20+ years to really make your debut, and now you're imperfect because the magazines and television tell me you should be firmer and perkier.


Dear Legs,

You're pretty much the one part of my body who most closely conforms to the magazines and television but they tell me you're imperfect because your upper half adds a little jiggle to my step.

Dear Boobs,

You're small, which magazines and television seem to think is perfect on every other part of my body but you (and hair).  They tell me you're imperfect because you're too small and a little further south than you used to be.


Dear Back,

I didn't realize you could be imperfect, but magazines and television have pointed out that you and waist are sharing custody of Baby Love Handles now and that makes you imperfect.


Dear Arms,

You're getting flabby.  Pretty soon you're going to have bat wings and magazines and television tell me that makes you imperfect.


Dear Hair,

I'm working on you, and I know it's not always your fault when things fall flat, but magazines and television tell me you should have more body, more shine, and less split ends.  They tell me you're imperfect.



Dear Fingernails and Toenails,

You should always look as if I just walked away from the most perfect manicure.  But you never do.  You're always short, different lengths, never painted and you often have dirt underneath you from *gasp* work.  The magazines and television tell me that you're imperfect.


Dear Face,

Why the sudden regression to puberty?  One week you're super oily and breaking out and the next week you're as dry as the Sahara (which doesn't make your pores look any smaller!)  Magazines and television tell me you should look flawless, with evenly and perfectly matched skin tone and you should never have dark circles under your eyes.  You, too, are imperfect.


Dear Body,

You are imperfectly mine.  I love you just the way I am, no matter what magazines and televisions tell me.

Love,

Me

Death by Facebook


I feel like I'm sinking in a Facebook quicksand.

Facebook has been plaguing me for weeks with the "Reply All" feature that takes a seemingly harmless message and turns it into a mass-hysteria reply-all-athon..

Some of these messages I'm not even sure why I was a recipient in the first place.

But I'm still getting 6-10 "reply all" responses a day and oh-my-goodness-I-just-want-to-scream-if-it-doesn't-stop.

That's one of my flaws.

I have no patience for things like this.

And it's Facebook's fault, to be honest.

See?


Who would think to click the little "Reply" link to the right of the Replier's name when there's a big blue "Reply All" button tempting you to spam the other 2,463 recipients of the message with your comments that are really just intended for the sender of the message?

And I'm not being snarky to those who click Reply All instead of the little Reply link, because sometimes you just do it before you realize it, I've been there and done that, too. I'm aiming this towards Facebook who should have made both options easier to distinguish between, or at least given recipients an option to "opt out" of receiving future messages from that thread.

Because for those of us with Facebook Mobile set up, this means we get three times the fun!  Not only do we get to read it on our phone, but we also get to read it in our email notification AND when we log on to Facebook it's going to make us read it again before we get to delete it.

Awesomeness, Facebook.

I think this is where my High School Government teacher would say something about someone deserving to have flaming bamboo thrust under their fingernails.

Proud Mommy Moments


I was dropping Ty off at school this morning when I had one of my proudest mommy moments ever.

Moms, you all know what I'm talking about.

Where your heart swells to twice your entire body size and your breath catches in your throat and you just feel such an overwhelming feeling of love, pride, and adoration for your little one that you're not sure that you couldn't happily drown in it.

Where you carry the biggest smile with you to work and risk getting asked inappropriate questions about what's making you smile so goofily.

You moms know what I'm talking about.

That's the kind of proud mommy moment I had this morning when I dropped Ty off at school and saw him rush ahead of two older girls to reach the door, which he grabbed and held open for the girls.

Sweetest.

Thing.

Ever.

I'm not who I was


Jason's taken me down memory lane the past week or so. He's been reading old blogs and looking through old pictures that I've posted.

I knew he'd pretty much read everything on this blog (which only goes back about a year) so I pointed him to my MySpace blog, which goes back to early 2006.

If you knew the content of that blog, you'd understand why I almost hesitated in doing this.

The blog started before the breakup and carries through a period of venom and toxicity that I went through. I was bitter and spiteful and, I'll admit, pretty tacky with some things I posted that didn't specifically point fingers at people, but gave a pretty good idea as to who I was referring to.

There were good memories that came up, too.  Some videos of Ty when he was about a year old and many pictures and sweet memories.

Jason never completely expressed his thoughts on my 5-part Man Bashing blog that consisted of jokes, poems, and quotes consistent with the series title.

He would read snippets of blogs out loud that he found interesting or amusing and I found that I kept reiterating to him what he already knew, "I'm not the same person that I was back then."

"I know, baby."

I look at who I was back then and it reminds me of a rainstorm.  The dark clouds, the gloomy atmosphere, and the unpredictable and damaging lightning...  Often-times the only glimmer of sunshine came in the form of a little boy or my close-knit family.

And so it was important that I keep reminding him.  "I'm not the same person that I was back then."

And again, he'd gently tell me, "I know, baby."

I'm happy now.  I'm a little more careful with my words.

Most of the time.

I don't feel like I'm as bitter or vengeful as I was and I certainly hope that I possess more class in what I say and how I say it.

But there were so many posts that are still, deep down in the core of me, the exact same person I am today.

Fundamentals.

Things I wanted in a relationship....I made a list of many of them and he read them to me last night and it struck me that what I found important back then, I still find important now.

They should lean on each other in hard times and never turn away from the other or seek support from somenoe else..

They should be the other person's biggest fan and cheerleader. Even when they fail (and they will fail from time to time). 
They should never stop flirting. 
They should always be faithful in words and actions. 
But I still know with all of me that I'm not the person that I used to be.

I've grown.  I've learned.  I've cried and I've laughed.  I've been disappointed and I've been thrilled.  I've been hurt and I've been helped.

And then I found something I said at a low point for me....
...The world's still spinning and I think last night my feet touched the ground.  Now I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start climbing out of this hole I've found myself in.  But as I climb, I'll get stronger, I'll gain strength and ability I didn't already have.  I'll survive.  And I will see the sun again.
I'm not the same.  I'm stronger, I'm wiser, I have at least a little better control of my words, and where love used to be a fairy tale that I couldn't quite believe in anymore, but couldn't quite make myself let go of....I now believe in whole-heartedly.

Fairy tales were for children then.

Now I see that they're for the lucky few of us who survive the bad, refuse to settle for the good, and find the truly amazing.

I'm not who I used to be.

That girl was never quite as lucky as the person I am today.

I wish you could see me now.
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was.
Brandon Heath | I'm Not Who I Was

The Elephant in the Room


Image Credit.
Okay, it's Monday morning and a heck of a Monday morning at that after losing a lot of sleep this weekend, so how about we start it off with a smile and talk about this cute little guy to the right.

Except the 'baby elephant' in our story isn't of the same species as this baby elephant.

Saturday evening Jason, Ty and I grilled supper and ate on the back patio, enjoying my yard and patio that I finally uncovered from the winter leaves and pine-straw.



You have no idea how much work went into this pile of leaves and pine straw....nor how big of an accomplishment it is because normally I'm allergic to this kind of work!

Moving on with the story.

So we're all sitting around the table after eating grilled shrimp, grilled free-steaks (the best kind of steak!), grilled corn on the cob, and roasted squash and zucchini, followed by strawberry shortcake.  So we're miserably full and Jason leans back in his chair and Ty asks him if he has a fat belly (meaning full belly, it's something he's picked up from family friends of ours).

Jason tells him he does and Ty reaches over to rub Jason's belly (also something picked up from family friends) and I warn Ty to be careful because Jason has a baby elephant in his pocket (credit where credit is due, I also picked that up from the same family friends that Ty learned that fat bellies need rubbed).

So of course, Ty get excited and starts trying to feel of Jason's pockets (while Jason repeatedly tries to keep Ty's hands away) and Ty asks to see Jason's baby elephant.

"He's asleep," Jason tells him.

"Wake him up!  Pull him out!"

Of course Jason and I are dying laughing and Jason's giving me this "Thanks babe....." look that makes it all the more funny!

Ty even gets out a small elephant squeaky toy that was his dogs when we had the beagles and shows Jason his baby elephant and that his squeaks!

Of course I had to call someone and tell them the story (while it was still progressing, though I'm not going to repeat what Jason claims my son said during this time!)  Since Jason wouldn't let me call his best friend, Jesse, I did what any girl would do!

*Le sigh*  How handsome is he!
I called my sister.

And my mom.

And wrote a blog about it!

Good thing he loves me.