The Tale of the Public Toilet Seat

Sit back, get a cup of coffee and let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time (last week) in a land far away (Maumelle, AR) there was a beautiful princess (well, that should be obvious...) who was attending a ball (property & casualty insurance class).

The beautiful princess was very pleased to find that there was a banquet table (meeting table) full of endless beverages (coffee, water and various pops).

The princess sampled several of the beverages while she was at the ball and she enjoyed each of the beverages she tasted.

After sampling a few beverages the princess discovered she needed to visit the royal water closet (public bathroom).

Upon entering the royal water closet the princess found it neat and orderly and was pleased with its cleanliness.

Until she entered a private stall and found tinkle sprinkled on the seat.

She then went to the next stall and again found tinkle sprinkled on that seat as well.

The princess continued to the next and last empty stall and found that it, too, had tinkle sprinkled on the seat.

The princess became quite irritated at this and chose a stall that had the least tinkle on the seat.

She got some tissue from the royal tissue dispenser and wiped the tinkle off the seat and flushed it.

She then sat her royal rump on the now tinkle-free seat and continued with her business.

[Readers gasp in surprise]

Gasp? What do you mean gasp?

Oh! You didn't know! You can actually SIT on public toilet seats! No need to hover, squat, or sprinkle!

You see, the princess--like others--has this handy covering on her body (skin) that provides a barrier between the germs of the outside world and the immune system of her inner workings.

So she understands that she can actually SIT on the toilet seat without worry that she might catch someone else's royal cooties.

And since she limits her physical hands-on contact with her derriere to washing or wiping, she has little worry of spreading the germs she might get from the toilet seat to areas that might cause her to actually get sick or spread them further.

It's actually quite simple, if you SIT on the toilet seat, you don't TINKLE on the toilet seat, which means there are fewer germs and yuck to spread from person to person!

What a novel idea!

And what a fairy-tale to think of a world where women chose to SIT on public toilet seats rather than sprinkle on them!

But the princess, having found a happily ever after with her two princes (Jason and Ty), continues to dream of a happily ever after in the water closet as well.

The End.

Things that make you go "owww"

My life is passing before my eyes.

Not because I'm dying and having any last minute glimpses or anything, just because the days really are passing that fast.


I'm getting married in a matter of double-digit days.

I should be overwhelmed at all that I have to do between now and then, especially when I figure in the cost of things that need to be done between now and then, but honestly, I'm looking forward to it for many reasons.

The forerunners of those reasons are that I'll be marrying the man of my dreams (and my best friend) and I'll get a week of peace and rest and relaxation and not worrying about money or driving here, there, and everywhere.


Instead I'm in a chair, smelling like sweat with potting soil under my nails, spray paint on my fingers and another pulled muscle in my side.

Yes, another.

I pulled a muscle last week from coughing.

And, after a week, it finally was healing and feeling much better.

Until I sneezed this morning and hurt the blessed thing AGAIN.

Except this time it hurts worse.

And I want to be a little wimp about it and curl up in my bed and not cough or sneeze or yawn or do anything that makes it hurt.

Because half of everything I do makes it hurt.

But I can't.

Because I have a son.

And a fiance.

And a home.

And a job.

And an insurance exam tomorrow.

Which puts me in this chair, smelling like sweat with potting soil under my nails, spray paint on my fingers and another pulled muscle in my side, about to study some more for that insurance exam.

Guess I better get to it.

But stay tuned, upcoming blogs include mine and Jason's next phones (if my house in Fordyce sells and we once again have money someday...), bathroom etiquette and my public toilet seat rant, as well as...hmmm.....well, just stick around and see!

Happy Hump Day!

We Can Relate

For those of you women out there who hate skinny women and--jokingly, yet honestly--express their dissatisfaction in our lack of or reduced number of outwardly visible "trouble areas", don't worry, we know just how you feel.

Take for instance when we're in the store looking at bras.

Most of us skinny women aren't nearly as blessed as the rest of the more-curvy population.

So we're in the bra section looking somewhere in the vicinity of the A and B cups.

And some poofy-haired, 12-year-old, half-dressed, sorority-girl-wannabe slithers past us to the C and D cups.

Which she obviously needs.

Because she's got them out there for the whole world to see.

Yeah....we know how you fee.

We know how you feel all too well.

Stepping Up

My life has changed over the past few months.  I've found that my roles have switched or altered in some way or another.

I'm no longer a girlfriend, but now I'm a fiancee and soon will be a wife.

I'm no longer a single mom, except by technical definition; now I'm a co-parent.

I'm no longer the girl that holds firm to never settling and looking up to other strong women who have been hurt and survived only to find the man of their dreams.

I'm now the woman that others are coming to saying, "You've inspired me", "You give me hope", "You're an example to others"...

I've been told that so many times recently, and while I love it, I feel like it's been unearned.

All I did was continue to be stubborn.

It came quite naturally to me, actually.

I knew what I wanted and I knew what I needed and I knew while I would reluctantly compromise on the first, I would never compromise on the latter.

Because I was okay with being single, too.

There was nothing wrong with being single.

Especially compared to being in a relationship that would never be completely fulfilling, which often happens when you settle on the important things.

So that's what I tell these women, especially the single mothers, who praise me with such compliments.

#1 - Don't settle.

Never settle.

Even when it's one of those nights that you couldn't possibly feel any more overwhelmed or alone.

You don't want to give up your dreams of Happily Ever After for Happily Ever Now because "now" is such a fleeting period of time.  If you're going to invest your whole heart, you really want to make it last.

#2 - Allow yourself to make a mistake

Don't beat yourself up for doing something that you know isn't necessarily the best idea ever (within reason).

So what if you spent $30 bucks on a pair of shoes, how often do you actually do something for yourself anyway?

Who cares if you don't use your free-time as wisely as you really think you should.  It's your free time and you know better than anyone how preciously limited it is, sometimes it does you more good to waste it than it does to spend it running.

#3 - For those of you single women with children, give them 95% of your attention.

You'll only be able to give them so much undivided attention for so long.

Sooner or later they'll either outgrow dear ol' mom or they'll have another wonderful person to share their time and attention with.

So give them your whole heart while you can,

But save that other 5% for yourself.  You have to take care of you if you expect to be able to continue to take care of them.

#4 - Trust in God.  

If you don't believe in God, now is a great time to find Him because he's about to do some crazy and wonderful things in your life.

Those months that you don't know how you'll get by?  You will.  He will get you through them.

Even as recently as yesterday He did this for me.  With the expenses of moving looming over our head and 3 households worth of bills stacked on the night-stand, I was horrified to find that one of them had gotten hidden that was due the day before.

And we're all monied out until our next checks.

So I called to see what could be done and guess what God did?

I didn't owe it.

Someway, somehow a credit appeared on my account that cleared that bill and took a few dollars off of the next month's bill, too.

Another time, a few months after Ty and I had moved out on our own and Christmas had just passed and money was VERY TIGHT when I got a very unexpected check in the mail for almost a thousand dollars.

I called the bank that it came from and asked them about it because surely it was in error.

And it was.

And the guy made all sorts of calls and even called all the way up to the Vice President of the Bank.

And he called back and said that they'd paid me around $800 too much but that it was going to cost them about the same amount to reverse it because they'd already closed their books out for the year, so they gave it to me.

No strings attached.  No "cash it and send us a check for the difference".  Just $800 to use as I needed.

Tell me God wasn't in THAT!  A bank GIVING away money?  Who ever heard of such a thing!

#5 - Spend time with your friends (or family)!

And you don't always have to worry about sacrificing time with your child to do it!  If they love being with you, they'll love being with you and your child, too!  It's the best of both worlds!  And you would be amazed by how many adults are okay with spending a day acting like they're 5 again!  You'll learn this when the right man comes along, too, because instead of him being jealous that your child gets more attention than he does, you'll find you're occasionally the one jealous that your child is getting more attention than you are, but it's such a great thing, too!

The list can go on and on, and they're not rules that I've necessarily created by myself.  I've done what these other women are doing, learning from the examples of others.

Surround yourself with only the best.  Especially during such a time when you really learn who you are and mold and create who you will be.  Surround yourself with strong, wonderful people.  Get rid of the negative and the drama and as much stress as you possibly can.

One day you'll find yourself in their shoes.