The color red.

What does it mean to me?

It means football games inside a stadium of stone.

It means the smell of popcorn and the taste of pickles.

It's the red fringe on the costumes of the Picherettes.

It means Shelly Carnes in her band uniform, Melanie Womack in her Majorette outfit and friends from school climbing up and down the stands all night long.

Red is home, though home is gone.

Red is pride.

Gorillla Pride.

Go Gorillas go!

Tyisms | Arkansas

Ty just told us how the Quapaw Indians discovered Arkansas and then followed that up with, "And did you know we're the only diamond-producing state?"

Smart kid!

Tyisms | Don't

Me:  "What part of 'Don't bounce that in the house' evaded you?"

Ty:  "Don't."

Ahhh, that explains it.

Tyisms | Scared

Ty:  I'm not scared of anything.
Me:  You're not?
Ty:  Nope, I'm not scared of anything.
       Except bears.
       And snakes.
       Oh, and spiders.

Tyisms | Beautiful

"And Mama, I want you to know this forever....that you're beautiful."

I love this boy.


In my absence from the Blogosphere, I've also been noticeably absent in the world of my private diary site, too.

Sometime during that absence my subscription lapsed and my security levels reverted back to normal which had me recategorizing who would be able to read what entries because who knows what I've written in the last year or so that should probably be marked as Private now!

This isn't really a big thing because you have to be approved by me and added to a list in order to be able to read anything at all that I write there.

And that short list of the approved readers is divided into three even shorter lists.  Which got me thinking about these people and what they mean to me.

First there are:

The Friends

people that I enjoy reading and keeping up with and that I trust, but I'm not super close to.  I'd tell them most things, but not all things.  Obviously they get to read more details than what gets to be posted in the Public World over here, but some things are off limits because I don't yet feel "safe" with these readers.

The Faves

closer than friends, you can tell them more of what you think or feel without having to worry that they will take it wrong.  They know me well enough to know my intentions if I write something that could be interpreted different ways.

And then there are la creme de la creme.

The Super Faves

If I think it and it's worth sharing with anyone in the world, it gets shared with these people.  They know the best of me, the worst of me and all the in-between, too.  They're my go-tos with just about anything.  Everyone on this list is someone I've either met in real life or have texted, IM'd, talked on the phone with or have even met in real life.  Two of them were even invited to (and attended) my wedding, with one serving as a bridesmaid.

Some of these people have been around for almost as long as my Ty-boy has.  They've watched him grow and they've watched me and supported me through my struggles and my tears and my hopes and my joys.  They're the ones that you can go months without reading or posting or texting or calling...and yet when we talk or write or read, it's like we can pick right back up automatically.

These are my people.

And while that site sometimes drives me NUTS (seriously, some people use their diaries as a place to say everything that really shouldn't be said or to write daily about whatever obsessions they have....typically of the drama-type) these people are why I keep going back.

And they're why I'll keep coming back here.

Because when I need them, the only people that will be there quicker for me are my real-life flesh and blood.


Never let it be said that a book can't change your life.

Two Kisses for Maddy: A Memoir of Loss & Love has put everything back into painful perspective for me.  As a mother, a writer, and a person.

Even though I've followed Matt's blog for the better half of Maddy's life and read back to the tragic beginning, I never knew exactly how this book would affect me.

As a mother it tore me apart multiple times to think of what this family has endured.

But another part that sank into me on a less dramatic level was exactly what I needed.

I've not been present online the way I used to be and it's been for a reason.  I can say that life has moved quickly and that things are busy and this and that and the other, but it comes right down to me not feeling secure here (online) anymore.

My blog was used as an excuse for some ugly things to be said to me once.  And those ugly things were followed with ugly things that other people apparently say about me because of my blog.  And on top of that, I was told that people laugh at me and judge me and criticize me for the things that I say or do or post on my blog.

And even though that's now long ago and far away...well, there's a quote that I've always agreed with that says something to the effect of "you may forget what they did, you may forget what they said...but in the end, you'll never forget how they made you feel".

And that's true in any instance.

Including this one.

Because that's always been something in the back of my head when I write anything at all  now.

Has it been scrubbed clean?  Has every part of my flawed personality been removed enough so that it's completely acceptable to anyone who might read it, friend or foe?

And then I read Matt's book and I remembered why I blog in the first place....why I put every part of my personality out there (good or bad) and share my life.

All of it.

Because there's a community of people who are so good because they're the people who have been there and helped us through the bad.

They're why I blog.

Because when I needed an outlet, when I needed to write I did just that and I found support and friendship and love and a whole community of people that I can't imagine not having in my life now.

They're why I write.  And they're some of the best friends I have, so why cut this part of my life out just because it doesn't meet everyone else's standards and expectations?

I can no longer find a good reason to.

So I'm here.

And I'm back.

And I don't care who likes it.


Tyisms | Mama

Ty:  Mama, I just wish your name was Beautiful.
Me:  Well, you can call me that anytime.
Ty:  You're just so beautiful I could kiss your face all over.
Me:  Well you just go right ahead.  (Getting all smiley that my boy's actually going to love on his Mama).

Ty rolls over (away from me), checks on his stuffed animals and goes to bed.

Quoticisms | Order

"To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order.
To put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order.
To put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life, we must first set OUR hearts right."


Quoticisms | Fight Like Men

As our enemies have found we can reason like men, <span class="fullpost">so now let us show them we can fight like men also.

-Thomas Jefferson</span>